Words...

Last night, after an uncomfortable day of worrying about how it would be, I made my way up to a "Writers Meetup".  I am a writer, after all - even though it feels strange to refer to myself in that manner.

I was remarkably anxious about stepping out of my comfort zone and meeting up with a group of strangers to practice something that has been a very personal pursuit of mine. I write for work and/or school all the time, but putting my imagination onto the page makes me nervous.

Anxiety around strangers isn't something that I'm used to dealing with. I usually view interactions with strangers, now that I'm on the other side of forty, as an opportunity to be myself. If it works out that the people like me I view it as a bonus. If they don't, then I've lost nothing because they weren't in my life before. However, doing something that I normally do on my own with a coffee shop full of strangers and then possibly discussing the process, the thoughts, etc. with them had me on the edge all day.

I pushed through and did it and it felt good. The people came from different age categories and obviously different walks, and stages, of life. All of the various writers I spoke to were focused on different genres, themes, projects.  It felt like a cornucopia of folks all walking different paths, but stopping at the same place to look at their maps, refresh themselves and then carry on.

By the end of 60 minutes of quiet writing time I had more than 1500 words on the page! I haven't yet read what I wrote - it strikes close to the bone and I'm not sure if I can detach enough yet to do any good re-work, but at the end I felt a sense of relief and release. Even better, I got the full sketch of the story that's been rattling my brain for years now onto a sheet of paper and I know better where I need to focus on some research in order to full flesh out the story pieces.

Reading back on my first paragraph I'm still haunted by the statement "I am a writer". I either need to work on owning that label, or find another word that encompasses more of my passion for tales.