Where's the map?

Finding a new direction for my career is my new goal. I thought I had it. However, speaking it out loud to someone it sounded hollow and not like something I truly wanted to do.

Don't misunderstand me, I know my skillset and where my natural talents lie and I've proven myself in that field many times over. However upon speaking my plan out loud I got a pit in the bottom of my stomach and it just didn't feel like something I would want to jump out of bed to do. In order, to be successful in that field I would have to put on a physical coat of armour (corporate attire) and then put on an emotional one (corporate persona).

I worked for 25 years to build my corporate persona and had a great one until the last three or so years of my career when my physical health challenges came along. Although they were very real - two surgeries will attest to that - I think that they might have been fate's way of telling me to change direction. I had accomplished in that persona what was needed.

Now, I am wandering, which is not really a good place for a goal oriented person. I have some ideas in mind. Have spoken of them to people that I respect and they have indicated that I am not completely out to lunch, but entering a new pathway system without a map is unnerving.

This is reminding me a bit of my first two days on the Camino. The signs were there and then they weren't and then there again. And at one point what I thought was the waymarkers in a different form turned me literally in a 5 km circle. I didn't exactly wind up at the exact same spot, but the same two dogs came up to greet me not far from where I'm sure I saw them the first time I checked my phone for the mileage to my destination. At the original point it was 4.5km to go and after I saw the dogs again it was 5.5km to go.

At that point I got off the trail, or lack of one, took myself to a highway and did the unthinkable. I flagged a passing car down and took a ride from a tattooed stranger in a strange country on a quiet country road. What could possibly go wrong??

He did get me to my destination and all was okay....until the next day, but that's another story for another day.

So, to get back to the topic at hand I think I just need to have faith that I will make my destination even though I'm unsure of exactly what my destination will look like and the pathway there is going to turn me around and I'll at some point have to get some assistance.

This direction causes nervous nausea and not the dread of talking about just resurrecting the old career in a new forum. I'm going to take that as a positive sign and keep trying to move myself into this new field. I'm becoming more comfortable talking about it and even working toward it on a daily basis.

I just need to figure out how to monetize it. I'm fairly sure that I'm not going to make double my previous salary, but if I can get to the fifty percent mark by the end of next year than I will be thrilled.

I'm back...yet again and hopefully it won't be as long a break for the next while. 

Just to give the update since the end of July to the middle of November.

End of July:  Settled my mother into a new living arrangement.  This will likely be the last major move - we can hope.  She's now in an assisted living facility that is absolutely lovely and has so many activities throughout the day that I wonder how she can handle it.

August: Time at the trailer by myself doing some test hikes and time with friends and family.

September through October:  Accomplished a dream!  Yay me!!!  I walked 416 km from Viseu, Portugal to Santiago, Spain with a backpack.  I did this on my own, but I was not alone. All along the way the love and support of those who make my world a special place was right there with me and then I made new friends over the course of my trip. Some will stay in my heart and life for a very long time and some I had the opportunity to make beautiful memories with in the moment.

Mid-October to now: Resettling into life again and figuring out how to arrange my life in such a way that I can apply some of the lessons I learned along the walking route in Europe to my everyday life.